Thursday, August 10, 2006

Now I'll offend at least half the people

Someone was passing this around the office today. I suspect its a fake as the "original" version that I got had an 'Advertising Archives' logo next to the picture. Still, it is kind of funny in a Leave it to Beaver kind of way.

The good wife’s guide
Housekeeping Monthly
13 May 1955

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when then come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust-cloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel as though he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. The are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer dryer of vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don’t greet him with complaints or problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

So, I printed it, brought it home and stuck it on the fridge. The first thing my good wife said when she saw it was, "What? Did your mother send me another article?"

She hadn't.

I told her we obviously had some work to do to meet this standard. Being fair, I figured that we could ease into this lifestyle slowly, say, half the items on the list this week and the rest next week. That seemed reasonable. Of course this being the 21st century she would have to integrate this with her full-time job so as to not interupt our income.

Incidentally, the doctor tells me everything should go smoothly next week when he reattaches my.........


Blogger Kim said...

This is probably between you and your therapist but you really want your wife to "Be a little gay..."? Or is the girl on girl thing really every guy's fantasy?

3:40 PM  
Blogger Unconscionable said...

Perhaps for some... But after what happened to our friends in Frisco...

9:19 AM  

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