Sunday, September 03, 2006

Yeah, we know they're a bunch of godless fruit-bombs out there, but they still dig the Steelers

Frisco Dave, originally from that most Pittsburgh of neighborhoods - Peters Twp - sends along his ode to the Steelers:

This is probably the last email I get to send out before the 2006 football season starts and I have to return to the “SoS” (same ol’ Steelers). The ones that steal defeat from the jaws of victory, the ones that get your hopes up and then dash them.

So let’s take a moment to live in the world of the super bowl winnin’, 6 games on the road achievin’, Peyton Manning trouncing, better than the Patriots bein’ Steelers.

Ah. Isn’t that nice?

It’s like a warm bath and a cold beer. *

I got my sport illustrated DVD (with commemorative football and coffee table book) this week. I watched it a couple nights ago. I got all choked up when Jerome retires on the podium holding the Lombardi trophy.**

Let us also take a moment to reflect on those things that happened that we will have to answer for no longer.

1.) We’re sorry about Carson. Kimo was a Bengal. He feels just awful. We split the games during the year, so no; it wasn’t a lock if your boy was still playing. It was not intentional and we have all apologized. Give it break already.
2.) Peyton Manning is a nice guy, we just beat him. And remember that tackle? Remember it? Oh man. I just gave myself goosebumps.
3.) Tough calls go both ways and the Seahawks didn’t want it bad enough. I have been gregarious the whole year. Can’t we just agree that what’s done is done and move on? The Seahawks can win next year. Go on.
4.) Yes, Ben Roethlisburger is a hillbilly from Ohio, but he’s *our* hillbilly from Ohio. When you see him on national TV and he sounds like he’s standing on the front porch of his doublewide in a Skynyrd T-Shirt and boxers, scratching his ass with a warm 12-pack remember that he’s really good and he’s got a ring to prove it.
5.) Bill Cowher is not attractive and he gets worse every year.*** However, you will have to see his ugly mug on a bunch of endorsement deals. I did not handcraft that chin, please do not complain to me about it.

Okay. Let us now return to normal land. Here we go Steelers, 10 and 6!

*If you haven’t taken a warm bath with a cold beer- you should try it. But only one beer. You don’t want to drown.

** This is like the Steeler fan version of “The steel magnolia beaches of fried green Madison County”. It’s hard not to get a little misty eyed.

*** Have you seen his daughters though? Cute! It’s what we call the reflexive Al Gore principle of breeding, which states: The more like a doofus your dad looks the more likely you are to be hot. Years from now, if I were to have a daughter, she is gonna be a knock out. Guys are already lining up to date Zelda Bailey.

Frisco Dave invites anyone to join his list. Just drop him a note at


Blogger Unconscionable said...

I'm not sure I'd want to point out to Bill Cowher that his daughters are 'hot', he might hit you with his chin.

6:39 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I have been told this priciple also applies to Coach K's daughters.

9:43 AM  

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